People ghost or avoid you for a myriad of reasons. This avoidance can be described as a deeply rooted escape pattern where people distract themselves from difficult thoughts, feelings, and situations.
At the core, ghosting is avoidance. And it is used as a protective mechanism that shields you from situations you might feel unable to handle.
Have you ever been ghosted? Or maybe it is you who is doing the ghosting. Either way, ghosting can be a painful experience that leaves you wondering what went wrong.
First, let's chat about being ghosted. I invite you to know that ghosting often has more to do with the other person than with you. Often, when people ghost you, they are running from themselves.
Initially, they might have been drawn to your authenticity and openness.
They liked it when you said, "I'm going to be real with you, I'm going to tell you the truth, I'm going to connect with you." But when your authenticity and truth scared them, they chose to disappear rather than face themselves.
This can sometimes be confused with the path of least resistance, but often is just camouflaged avoidance. The way to know the difference is that the path of least resistance has an energy of calm allowance, while avoidance is often very painful.
The problem with just running away is that the energy doesn't have a chance to move and can actually begin to rot in your system. We do not want this. We want to have the hard conversations and be willing to bring resolution from an open heart into difficult moments, as this is where true spiritual growth happens.
On the spiritual path, it is important to face your fear of conflict, and know that you can figure out a way to bring successful problem resolution. It starts with awareness and this new awareness then leads to choice.
I just want to remind you that you are lovable, even if they left. If you have been ghosted, I am sorry. I know how much this hurts. I encourage you however to work at processing that energy on your own.
Get your journal out and answer these questions:
1. What do you wish you could say to this person?
2. How do you feel in your body when you begin facing this?
3. Where do you feel it?
4. What do you wish could happen?
5. What is 1 thing within your control that you can do about this now?
Then take action.
Next, if you are the one who is doing the ghosting, this is probably part of your trauma response. It can be a way that you avoid difficult emotions or situations that remind you of past pain.
You have probably had negative encounters that involved betrayal, disappointment, and hurt and these memories live on inside of you, leaving a lasting impression. These experiences may have conditioned you to associate difficult social interactions with negative outcomes. This then created a neural pathway that believes avoidance is safer.
This then becomes your go to coping mechanism, and typically leaves you unaware of the pain you are leaving in your wake.
By abandoning the situation, you may create an immediate sense of protection, but really you are creating more pain. I encourage you to stop using “cancel culture” as an excuse to stay in your flight response. Instead, make the choice to heal.
Sometimes situations in your life will not go your way and this is ok. But you can still look at what is coming up within you and face it. The good news is, you can catch any of these programs now playing out in your current life and heal. You don’t have to continue living in patterns that were passed down to you or pressed into you.
You can make the choice today to change.
This kind of spiritual healing journey takes work, but every single step helps you take control back of your internal motherboard and re-code yourself with the truth you want to live.
If you're ready to start this journey, I invite you into our course called the Spiritual Love Bundle where we compiled over 44 lessons to show you HOW to face yourself. I have this whole training on the 10 Laws of Self Love included in this bundle that will help you deal with the wounds of being ghosted. You can join as a membership or get full lifetime instant access if you purchase the whole Bundle. You can learn more here.
By Sophie Frabotta, M.A.
Founder, Healer + Spiritual Guide
Hi! I am Sophie Frabotta, The Soul Whisperer, Healer, Author, Spiritual Guide and Mentor and the founder of the Awaken Collective, where I help women like YOU to step into your heart and turn your wounds into freedom! I don't just teach you about this spiritual healing work, I show you how to deeply heal the root wounds that have been holding you back, so that you can finally experience this inner freedom that only comes from doing this spiritual healing work. My Spiritual Life Coach Certification will help you to move far beyond where you are now and wake up a part of yourself you have been dreaming to become. Your time is now!
